where to next?...

thanksgiving [time to recoop]

2006-10-05T18:45:00.000-07:00

it's been a long time since i last wrote in this blog. i've been just crazy busy with work and life not being how i'm so used to it being. before...life was school. now, it's just work and no life whatsoever.

i'm really not used to it, and i've just been thinking about how i'm going to get through this year. i mean, i know i can handle it....but, it's just hard not going back to school and seeing all of those faces i've been so accustomed to for 3 full yrs. soooo weird, but at the same time i'm learning just what life is exactly in this small city of sudbury.

so, for those of you who need to catch up with me...i've been working nonstop basically 6 days a week. it's been really intense esp. since all of the schools have started, and since everyone's back to work. we're always just jam-packed with customers, most of them very impatient and unfriendly, who expect everything at the drop of a dime. i don't get it? shouldn't customers be nice in return? like, we have to be nice to them and customers are always right when you're working in the field of customer service...but they are so hard to deal with...snobs, i tell you. what can you do right? HA! i'm learning still and nothing is really phasing me anymore. i really don't expect the unexpected, cause it seems like every "unexpected" thing or experience has been dealt with. sooo, i'm kinda liking it there now with the newer workers...it's basically just 5 or 6 of us working days now cause everyone else usually comes in during nights. mainly....chels, colleen, steph, me, and sarah work days...and then rick and the part-time gang work the remainder. i like it that way. so, that's it for that.

as for music....i'm gearing up for heading into the studio. not really a pro studio, but more like a basement/house studio with an 8-track recorder. i'm super excited for this, cause i know i'm going to have a lot of fun..and i'll gain a lot of experience through it too. i LOVE recording. this one guy who i previously worked with asked me if i wanted to use his equipment to record, and for a while i was hesitant...but i really, i mean reeeeeeeally want to do this...so i called him and then we met for coffee and we agreed that we'd conjure up an album of already written songs that are in progress. i'm really greatful for this...and already, i have 30 songs written and 15/16 composed. we're most likely going to go over everything just acoustically and then add everything on...but, i'm thinking just recording and producing a straight-edge acoustic album, raw and talent shinging through, would be the best thing...so, i guess we'll see what happens. but just wish me and the guys luck, and just keep on praying that we get somewhere with our music.

haha, AND this weekend..i'll be heading home. i got this weekend off so i could just relax and get out of sudbury, so i'm going to my parent's place. i can't wait. i haven't been there since july. yiiiiikes! it's been a long while, but i'm ready....and i need to get some serious sleeping time.

so, yea....this is the update.
take care and stay cool everyone....
happy tofurkey day!!!!

solo acoustic show. dawwwwg.

2006-09-13T18:39:00.000-07:00

alright, so last night....i basically had a little show for a couple of friends in a home setting. i know it's nothing big, but it's something and i was just so blessed to share my music with those fortunate people...and also to pray about it [the music and performing] and the music career that i plan on trekking down. it's gunna be long, but i'm on board for everything...in His time though.

so, i just handpicked a couple of songs that i had just recently worked on or re-worked and played those...3 to be exact. i just felt so empowered and liberated to sit there and perform my own written songs, with an acoustic guitar, and to actually have ppl hear my music for the first time and just appreciate it. thanks Lord.

....i have such to be greatful and thankful for...and thanks to him, i have this gift, this passion...and i can feel it taking me to where i want to be.

thanks again.

six degrees of working. to the max.

2006-09-11T22:06:00.000-07:00

alright...so, this is a new blog...for all of you blog-readers. i just want to fill everyone in on how my life is going, and where i feel i'm being lead to and everything in and around and between.

[wooork] ....okay, so work had basically been death. it's been just really stressful...let me tell you. firstly, we hired 6 new people (steph, colleen, corrinne, luc, justin, miia, and chelsea....but chelsea's been there for a while) and the majority of them are catching on very fast...steph....colleeen...corrinne....the rest could use some work, but we all learn at different speeds. anywho, since these 6 have been hired i've just been working hardcore. i mean, i've been scheduled to work a crazy insane amount of hours, when i know i shouldn't really be working that much. and i managed to ask for sundays off, because i'm a church regular...or a want to be, at lansing, annnnd my boss and i actually fought over me being allowed to take those off. the result = me winning, and proud to get to attend church.

so...where was i? yea, anywho...i've been working non-stop, and so have the rest...but i've run into some problems with work. i just find everything to be a bit sketchy...like, i'm fulltime, but supposed to only be working day shifts and only 40 hours. welllllll, i'm working all night shifts and honestly, i have the hours a manager should have. i don't get it....they don't think i'm "manager material" yet i'm giving everything my best, and i wasn't even acknowledged for anything, not even asked if i would consider a position as a manager at the cafe. you know what....chels got it, and i'm glad for her and proud of her hard work for it....and that's not what's making me upset anymore about work. what's making me upset is that i'm just getting night shifts and my boss seems to be avoiding me (but then again, she seems to be avoiding everyone) and she's been giving all the day shift fulltimers night shifts....whenever i try to talk with her about it or ponder about it with her, she's NEVER in the store or anywhere within reach...and now, all of a sudden....she's taken a month long holiday. i seriousssssly don't get that. and now....i have to deal with not having a life outside of starbucks. i mean, college and careers has started, and sooner or later....a hangouts night for c&c will start, and i'd love to go and meet everyone...but i can't because of how i'm being scheduled for work. ontop of that...why should i have to train workers when i'm supposed "not good" enough to be managerial at work.

guess, i'm just going to suck it up. bite my lip and give it everything i've got. i just hope acknowledgement comes sooner more than later....cause all of our hard work deserves that. seriously!

and the last thing about work....i REALLY don't appreciate our highschool workers (15 and 16 yr olds) telling me that i'm slack and am lazy. gossssshhh, seriously....it just pains me to know that they think so low of me, when i know that i'm giving the job everything i can. just because they're younger and working this job doesn't mean anything. it means that they were given a chance, and i hope they don't screw up. working with hostile highschoolers is not what i bargained for, and certainly not what i'm going to stand for either. i don't deserve to be put down...and neither does anyone, anywhere. and although i know it's because of insecurities or jealousy, i'm sure, i'm just not going to take it.

so yea...that's basically the just of work.

[home] ...so, everything at home seems to be going well. it's just weird to be living with some relatives. i don't know what it is...but every time i get home, i just feel like i'm constantly being judged by them. i just like to relax when i'm off work, but apparently that's not allowed.

yesterday...there was drama at home (i guess i just don't get enough at work). i went to church and when i came back home, i decided to start cleaning around the house and finish the laundry loads i did earlier and the previous day....and everything was done, so i asked for something to do or if my sister or her husband needed any help to do anything, they said no....so, i decided to go and give my room a cleaning....doing my own laundry, fixing things, moving things around. next thing i know, my sister and her husband are arguing because my sister's husband thinks i'm lazy and that i don't do anything. i honestly did everything i could and i asked if there was anything i could do. they said no. i don't get it? like....am i supposed to just clean clean clean. that was my ONLY day off from work and now i have to clean at home too....can i EVER have a relaxation day or no??? guess not. and so, he yelled at my sister and told her that i needed to do more around the house....i asked, and how could i do more....i'm always at work with the overtime and everything. i'm honestly going to burn out. i just don't know what to do? i NEED the Lord's help. honestly.

so, after the whole confrontation and everything...i just needed to get out. i just picked up my guitar and headed up to my room for some therapy. it was good...and then i got some sleep, then i baked some dessert. yesterday started off soooo well, and ended tragically for me....i HATE yelling...it brings my back to when i was younger, which was just a bad time in life for me. i hate being reminded of those days...they're over and done with, i don't want to have to relive those days over again. i just don't know if this is going to happen everyday or better yet, every sunday....cause if so, i want out. i can't handle exhaustion and being worked over....i've done it before. ugh. it's not my thing, or the life i want to live.

i need prayer...i just hope my living situation gets better. i think we all need prayer, my whole household...just for appreciation, friendship, understanding, patience, and everything else.

[music] ...alright, so i'm in the process of working on new material and re-working older material. i have approx. 30 songs that i'm ready to go over and head into the studio to demo. I'M SUPER EXCITED and i can't wait!!!!! to get into the studio and record my life away....like i said, this is my passion, this is what God has given to me...and this is what gets me through everything. this is who i am, and this is how i speak my mind. i love music with everything i have and just hope soon that i can get out everywhere with an album to show everyone who i am and what i stand for. i love God, and just this gift he's bestowed on me....is the greatest gift of all.

so, yea...this is life...as i know it, at this particular time in my life.
peace out.

the drama of working.

2006-08-28T20:14:00.000-07:00

when working, why is there so much drama? is drama something that just comes with life?....does it follow it(work) around like a lost puppy or is it just something you can never NEVER get rid of??...welllll i'm so sick and tired of it. honestly. why can't work just be work? why can't there be no gossip and no bad-mouthing, and no talking behind anyone else's back?? why why why? i don't know, but i really want everything to stop. i think i'm just going to stop talking at work altogether and just be mute. i can't stand it anymore.

where's the decency and consideration when working in a citizen-related environment? there's none. seriously! you can never get around it.

on the flip side, i managed to get in some songs at the end of the shift. i was originally scheduled to open for this local band (bathos curb) who actually open every monday nights for acoustic mondays, but i was scheduled to work...and when it found out, it was too late to change with anyone. sucks eh? but i got some songs in...an original and then a couple of covers (proud - tegan and sara/heart of gold - neil young). it was great...i can't wait to play more.

yes yes yes.

sundays.

2006-08-27T10:36:00.000-07:00

i don't know what it is, but i just love sundays. i think it's just because i associate sundays with my family, watching cartoons, being lazy, having GREAT suppers, and of course....going to church and learning about God. today is sunday the 27th of august, and i'm not really doing much. i haven't really been feeling at that well because of a double whammy of ear infection and throat sore. it honestly is the crummiest thing....and i just have this constant ringing in my ear, not to mention...i can't hear anything, and i feel like death...when swallowing...but both are getting a lot better.

i realize today i missed morning church, which i'm going to make up for by going to late church...hopefully, if i can get around to it. the transit system here in suds isn't the best...and i'm not in possession of a car, maybe i can just call someone...or take the car here, which is my sister's and her husband's (i doubt that though).

last night, i gave a call to one of my closest friends (kricket). we've known each other since we were so young, and we've basically lived down/up the street from one another since that time as well...even with moving and everything (cause we all know blind river is like one street long haha). we never really hung out much when we were younger, we did have mutual friends though...or one mutual friend in particular. we just started to get really close in highschool. i love her just so much...all of us have our own depictions of what a best friend would be and could be....honestly, if you met this girl, you'd know shes that type of person...she has just such a big heart and a great smile. she's so caring, and she's just so trusting and honest. since highschool, we've come to be so close and i love that. we talk all the time and we're just there for one another. it's just something that i hold pretty close to me heart, cause she's not just like a friend..she's considered a close relation. anywho, right now she just feels stuck, stuck in a position where she feels it's neverending and she can't dig her way out. i'm trying to give her the best advice i can to help her out, and i've been doing so these past couple of years. i know it's God's will for her to go somewhere and to do something special with her life...but i want to help her any way i can. you know, like it's just so hard to get started and to get into anything that you're interested in. when you're young, it's almost like nothing is really believable, so you take everything with a grain of salt hoping to get something valuable out of life...unless you have a passion (mine being music and art). anyways...soooo...i've invited her up to suds for a weekend soon to show her around the city and help her to realize what her dreams are. i know that sudbury would be a good starting place for her...cause she is unable to find a job in her field of work, and i think her just coming up here and meeting everyone in the youth group at lansing would just be awesome for her.

til then, i'll most definitely be praying for her and everything she's up against.

peace out,
dique.

incredi-dreads.

2006-08-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

ugh, well i just felt like posting some pics of the most incred dreads out there....most of them come from musicians -- ani difranco, bob marly, lenny kravitz, john butler (john butler trio)....but i'm seriously thinking that i want some, and my mind is constantly thinking about getting them....what do you think? should i....shouldn't i?? i don't know.

i've just been wanting them for such a long time, and i think when i'm young is a good time to experiment with them and just go for it....i don't think they'd look too bad on myself, but i guess i'll see to it when the time comes

infection.

2006-08-23T16:21:00.000-07:00

kk, it's been a couple of days since i last updated this blog....and a lot has certainly happened since then.

first of all, somehow....by the by, i've contracted....well i have....an ear infection. i honestly don't know how i got it, because i've never had one before...but it hurts a lot. i think i have a fear of something or someone touching my ears, cause i'm sensitive with them...and having this ear infection is driving me insane. i can't handle it. it wasn't too bad like 2 days ago...and then yesterday it started to flare up and that's when everything started coming out of my ear -- blood, yellow stuff, crusty stuff...it's sick.

another thing is that i've just been going through an episode with work. i mean, it's all drama....right now. i know that i was hired as a fulltime employee and right now everything just seems like i'm not...and i feel as though i'm being treated unfairly at work...with hours and shifts/schedules, and just with everything in general at work. i feel like i'm being cut short of everything...and i don't want to be treated like some outsider. i won't stand for it...i think it's seriously unfair.

i've also been thinking about where my life is going from here...i still have absolutely no idea at this point...but what i do know is that i'm still being called to make music and pursue my passion of becoming a professional singer-songwriter. i'm super excited for it......i really want to start writing some new material and getting down some new songs....but before, i think i want to record and publish all of my older material before i can move on and start anew...SO EXCITED!! i've also been asked to play worship at my church too...so, that's amazing. thanks God!

i can feel that this year is going to be a good one...i just know it. i mean, i can sense it. there are so many ppl my age around here....well, either older or younger, who i can hang out with....i'm really looking forward to the youth this year. i think it's going to be amazing...and i think that we're just going to have a great time. i can't wait...i think this year is going to mean making a lot of friendships and starting over anew with friends, family...and music.

wicked.

the craziness of ipod-ing.

2006-08-20T20:55:00.000-07:00

alright....so, it's announced...i finally got my ipod, somewhere around 3 days ago...and since then, i've been crazily busy at downloading my life onto it. first and foremost...i've been downloading my whole cd library (basically my whole life) onto it...and then just some songs i've downloaded off the net (which i know is bad, but they were already on my compy).

so far the list extends to somewhere around 890 songs with a variety of joni mitchell, bjork, neil young, jack johnson, cyndi lauper, michael jackson, blah blah blah....just all over the place, loaded with eclecticism. i lurrrve it. now, all i have to do is take some insane photos i took and make some vids and then put them on there too.

i know this sounds crazy, but i love this thing with everything i've got. i'm really not materialistic at all....but this was a pretty penny, so i'm milking it for all it's worth.

==========================

on the flipside, works been insane...both with hours and everything that's going on there. i really can't stand drama, and that's what i had in blind river...with those fake "friends"...i really can't stand it. i just hope everything settles down and ppl start taking their jobs seriously and treating their workers good. i can't handle this...honestly. it's not the least bit good at all. i have distant feelings about this.

anywho, i'm going to pray about this, cause i feel like it's something that needs a lot of work.

a family affair.

2006-08-19T14:20:00.000-07:00

haha, i just thought about the title, and it reminded me of when i was back in highschool and that mary j. blige song "family affair" was popular. man, the remix was a good version.

anywho, yesterday was pretty cool. they were having a free sam roberts concert here with the opener being matt mays and el torpedo. i was so stoked at going, and so was everyone else. my sister mel and her husband bry, family friend angie, and my other sister nat. we were all gunna go together, but everything kinda fell apart the night before. mel's friend kate's dad has been sick for a while (since mel's wedding) and they found cancer in his liver....so kate didn't want to go to the concert, therefore mel and bry didn't want to go, therefore angie didn't want to go either....which left me and my sister nat on the downlo. i mean, who bails....really? i mean, the funny thing about it...is that they didn't want to go to a simple concert, BUT they could go camping for the whole weekend together??....what a crock. i don't get that. and i was so excited for it....because i've seen both sam roberts and matt mays live before, but this was going to be it....the summer concert of 2006, but i didn't even end up going. i even downloaded crazy amounts of sam roberts songs....geezaloo....guess i'll have to find another sweet deal concert to go to.

i decided to take nat out to cafe korea for some asian cusine. i was kinda skeptical about it, cause i know she's really picky, but she was actually really good with the food. i got the usual -- miso soup and california rolls with some saki [rice wine], and she ended up getting pad thai...we also bought some pocky, bubble tea and a coconut drink when heading out...then we came back here to see what everyone was doing. i got the shaft again too...mel,and bry were going out to the camping spot to set up camp and have a bonfire with kate and dave and everyone out there....nat asked me if i wanted to go with them, and then bry said that they didn't have enough room in the car....then ange asked if she could go and he said yea....like WTF? was this "give dom the short end of the stick day?" cause honestly, that made me feel so unwanted....and gave me thoughts of "should i be living here for the year?," "should i be letting them get to me like that?," but ultimately i just shrugged it off because i know that i'm prolly taking it out of proportion...but i mean, ppl shouldn't say one thing and do the other...it's so unfair and harsh at the same time. i just don't get it.

so, i told nat that we would hang out...and so we went back to her place and hung out for a while on the deck with the kids and her boyfriend, along with his friends too....yeesh! i felt really uncomfortable around them, but i stood my ground and kept my cool.

i love those kids just SO MUCH. my neice and nephews mean wayyyy too much to me...and i can't wait to have kids of my own, but for now....i just want to teach them things, and help them with things, and just make sure they have everything possible that is a necessity...they seem to be doing pretty well though. i love em sooo much.

and so i hung out with nat and we basically just listened to old songs from our childhood through my ipod...these songs brought back so many old memories. memories of family trips or just those special times where i looked up to my sisters and life felt like it would never feel like this...life felt meaningful, and it felt like i was never going to grow up. i miss those days, where i could hang out with my sisters and not have a worry or care in the world...but those days are gone. i love nat so much. sometimes she makes the wrong mistakes, but we all do...and she learns from them. i just pray that she learns everything she needs to and that she gets the position with the job she applied and had an interview for. she wants this so much...and it'd do her good to get out and work for a while.

in other news, i got an e-mail from carmie...stating that she got to tanz and she was alright. so i checked out her website and read her updated blog...and everything sounds awesome....i'm really happy for her, and i'll continue to pray for her all along her journey. YAY.

i should go, time to eat....soooo hungry. ugh.

today.

2006-08-15T20:58:00.000-07:00

multiple acts of randomness have been happening for the majority of today. firstly, me waking up and my parents walking through the door with bry (my brother-in-law) was quite the surprise. i guess they didn't intend on leaving suds after all....hahah // their van broke down just off the ramp and they had to trek it back into lively somewhere, called bry...got a tow-truck, and came back home. they were told that the van would be fixed within an hr, yet when they hadn't recieved a call yet, they called back. the result -- the van would not be fixed until the next day and the costs would be sky-rocketing.....seriously! almost totalling/equalling close to $500. yikes! annnnnnd so, they're staying at our place til tomorrow and sleeping the cost off...not that it'll change or lower at all.

secondly, i chose to take the d.o.g for a walk and she was acting weird. she NEVER does that. i wonder why she chose to act up??...i don't know. as i was taking her for a walk, i chose to pray (cause i always pray when i walk) and everything just seemed to be better....i guess God's graces. praying has just been such a help for me....i don't know if others are praying for me...but thanks to everyone, and thank you God for everything. you're just AMAZING!

thirdly, out of nowhere i've decided that i REALLY want dreads. i mean, it's not out of nowhere really, cause i've been battling getting them for sooooo long....ever since i was 14. seriously! but it just goes with everything....like, would i be able to get a suitable job? would i be taken seriously? would i be able to go somewhere and not be laughed at??? either way....i'm going to get them, just to try them out. i'm pretty happy about them....cause i know i'll take good care of em, and i think i'll look just fine with them. here are some pics of the dreads i'd really like to have.

and yea.....so, these are some pics of the dreads that i like....the first pic is of john butler, from the john butler trio (http://www.johnbutlertrio.com), who may i say has an amazing set of dreads....and the second pic is of someone whom i don't know....but they remind me of a college friend's dreads....before she cut them all off in a drunken stupor. hahahaha i love you sarah...with everything i've got! but yea....i'm gunna get me some of those....once my hair gets much longer and i look more bushmanly....

so, just give me the downlo....YES ou NON? vrai ou faux???

"don't i know you from somewhere?..."

2006-08-13T15:24:00.000-07:00

k, i don't know what it is with ppl, but i get this all the time...."you look so familiar," or "don't i know you from somewhere?," or "you remind me one someone i know or used to know". it just gets me. if it's someone i know, they can tell who i am just my remembering my eyes. i don't know why. i wouldn't say my eyes are the only things that make me me, i would more or less say that my personality makes me me. for instance, tonight....this guy came in to work (haha i'm working right now, just on a break) and he said the usual "don't i know you from somewhere?" and i responded with "blind river," and then he was like....."oh yea". i know this guy from here and there....he went to my highschool, was 2 yrs older than me....but hahahha the only thing i remember him by is him wearing leather pants to school....k, that's not a very good visualization for anybody...i don't care ho9w attractive you are....it's just not good.

and so, yea...the moral of this blog....is to say....when ppl notice who i am from home...it's weird, and when they say they know me by my eyes.....ewww, weird to think of why they know me cause of them.

nothing i love more.

2006-08-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

so, i guess i've just been a little hesitant lately with everything. hesitant with giving an answer to whether i'm to remain in sudbury for a yr or not, hesitant of whether or not i want to pick up and move back down south to t.dot, but also hesitant if i really want to be working at starbucks. i don't know....it's a great job and all, but sometimes i just can't handle it. most of the customers are crazy insane mofos who expect liquid gold in a cup, but then again....you have your awesome cx's who just want a smile and something good to drink. i'm most def staying in suds for a yr just to work on everything and figure everything out from here....with music, and where to head to pursue it, and everything along the way....no toronto for right now, just because i need to cool down a bit and think things over. seriously! (i totttally stole that from grey's...which is the best show everrrr)

last night i was talking to one of my closest friends from home, and like...i've been trying to get here to come up here to experience living in a bigger city, which is more cultural (not too much, but enough), more diverse, and which has just so many things to offer her...she's soooo intelligent, ambitious, she's a good worker, she's incredible with ppl...she just has to get past the shyness...and she'd just be better off living here as opposed to in blind, where no one ever goes anywhere with work 'cept for tim hortons. so yea...i've been trying to get her to come here for either school or just to move, and she's been kinda saying no...but she'd head out to the soo to hang out with other friends. i really saw that as a blow to me....cause i mean, when i'd invite her she'd never come, but her other friends...she'd go for sure, and we're supposed to be close friends. butttt her and i have been working on things, just getting her confidence up and going through possible careers for her (she loves working with ppl, possibly a career as a personal support worker or a nurse will do). with her next earnings, she's going to come up here for a weekend or something...i'll get her connected to the city, ESPECIALLY to lansing...cause everyone's great there...and she'll for sure have some support along the way. greaaaatness...i'm prayed for it for so long, and now it's happening. thanks be to God.

anywho, i was just thinking about music and how much i love it. this morning, before i headed to work, i was sitting down reading "the complete lyrics and poems of joni mitchell" and just being truely inspired by her words. when most musicians or musical critics say that either a musician is a writer, a singer, or an instrumentalist, they mostly mean that those artists focus solely or are solely talented at jsut one of those areas....joni mitchell, was truely a talented singer, instrumentalist, and freakishly awesome songwriter. she's the most talented woman i've ever come across....and i want to mould my musical works after hers...she's such an inspiration to me, it's not even funny....and just thinking of myself being in her position, having the potential she had at my age.....there's absolutely no comparison. truely astonishing.

so, i've been writing here and there....but i'll continue to write over the course of this summer and into the upcoming seasons...i cant' wait to see what comes out of these hands and onto the paper.

ps -- i can't wait for playing some shows. i play my first official one on the 28th...yea yea yea.

at work....again.

2006-08-09T15:11:00.000-07:00

we hired a new worker this week. so far...she passes the test. she's really funny and has a great sense of humour, we need those kinda workers here, honestly. i think for the amount of ppl who come in and expect gold in a cup....we need ppl just to surround us with a positive attitude and environment. i mean, it's not like every single cx who comes in is a jerk or anything...but most ppl are. they know their drinks to a tee and expect perfection. i mean...working as a barista is fun and you get to know ppl really well....but i just think these so-called "know-it-all perfectionists" should just try a day in our shoes...it's a lot of hard work and commitment to be a barista. but anywho...yea, new worker. YAY!

going out to bible study every tues has just been great. everyone there is so positive and we get along really well. i mean, at first i was really skeptical about going, just because i wasn't sure i would be accepted or anything....but once mark called me and asked me to go, i figured...."ummm why not?," cause i know if i'm sticking around here for a while..making friends is a must for me. so, yea..i've been meeting just awesome ppl, and the greatest part about it is that they're CHRISTIAN. honestly, you can't get any better than that...wellll that sounds mean. but i guess they just understand me more than anyone else would. it's not that i'm discriminating against anyone else (sorry if i sound discriminatory), but christians hold bonds with one another that are sooo strong. i could never have the same relationships with my non-christian friends as i do with my christian friends. it's just different, and will always be. that's it, that's all. thanks lansing youth for being awesome.....

another thing to add is that from time to time i'll be playing here and there at starbucks....playing shows. i can't wait for ppl to hear my songs and experience what one of my shows are like. i'm uber excited for ppl to actually get the feel of what it feels like to be me and to just understand what i write about...hopefully, ppl'll recieve something from my music....i just hope God fills their hearts with the messages i'm trying to portray in my music.

anywho, this weekend with carm and marg rocked. i love them....and i wish i could hang out with them more. carmie, you're such an amazing person...and i'm so so so proud of you for holding up with everything. marg, you're like one of me....but you. lol, wow...i sound so intellectual when i say/write that. marg...you just are awesome. kricket and becks...i wish we could've hung out more. we never do anymore...and it sucks terribly. i just wish you could all move up here and we could hang out and do things....i mean, hanging out with kricks (sunday night) was awesome! we went cruisin around and talked generally about life and what it has to offer....i just hope kricks come to the conclusion of what she's been searching for....her passion. i hope she finds her passion out and goes for it head on. Lord, please help her with her passions and just getting out of the whole she's in and experiencing life to it's fullest.... -- i'm actually really excited cause with her next paycheque she's coming up here...and we're gunna tear up the town. YAY! becks is coming up for school in sept and hopefully, we'll get to hang out more....cause she's lovely and she's one of the close one's to me...(becks, if you're reading this....we should set a night, either once a week or whenever, to either watch movies or go running...or whatever).

TODAY -- i got my book, finalllllllly. it's one i've been debating about getting...but now that i've got it...i'll never let it go...."the complete lyrics and poems of joni mitchell"....freak yeaaa....can't wait to dive into it.

....and yea, i should stop blabbering...eat my food and get on with my break.

blind river.

2006-08-07T19:38:00.000-07:00

this friday i headed to blind river (hometown) just for a couple of days. it's always weird going back there cause i realize there's just nothing for anyone anymore...it's like a retirement town. i love it, but nothing there for me, besides friends and family.

the one reason why i headed down to blind was to say my farewells to carmen. she's heading on a 1 yr missions trip to tanzania (africa). she's been there before and loved it, so she thought she'd head out and do it for a whole yr...despite her only being there for 6 months previously. she's such a soldier. i mean...she treks and treks and treks, and i love it....she's just maturing so much in God and it's just so great to see it every step of the way. i hope you have a lovely time in tanz, carmie.

-------------------

i also hung out with some other friends...mostly krist. we went out for some coffee and then a ride out to the marina to have a walk and get everything out. it just seems like life right now is at a standpoint...i just feel so letdown and ashamed i'm not doing anything at this point....but, everyone needs a break though. i realize that. -- krist was just telling me how she feels she's stuck in a hole in blind and how she can't get out. soooo i'm going to pray for her, cause she really needs it...and i hope she comes to the realization that moving to suds would be the best thing for her.

margie's coming.

2006-08-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

today, i have to go to the bus depot and pick up margie for 5:40. i can't wait to see her! we've been here and there and everywhere together...and i can't imagine a better friend than her (although i have some close friends who fit that mould as well).

we always have fun together, and although we think very differently about situations, we also do think alike. she's just such an amazing person, a fun girl to be around, a highlight in anyone's life....and she's just spunky....and a grrrreat pianist.

she's coming down for tonight...just to stay the night at my place. we're headed to a bonfire tonight at the flietstra's house (ppl we know from camp) to have fun with other fellow christians and just ppl our age...and i can't wait! i know ppl are going to be there whom i haven't seen in ages, and i'm just so excited that i get the chance to see them. YAY! -- tomorrow we're headed to the ole' hometown to see carm and bid our good farewells....my friend carm is headed to africa, tanzania to be exact, for longterm missions work....for a yr or so, after that who knows? i sure don't...but carm is extraordinary and her fighting to get ppl to know God's word and know the truth is a constant struggle...i'm SO very proud of her for that. LOVE YOU CARMIE!

i cant' wait. i cant' wait. i can't wait.

ps -- i NEED sleep...

so confused.

2006-08-02T09:35:00.000-07:00

for the past year, i've been thinking about where my life is, where it's going, and what i should be doing.

ever since i was a youngin' i've been focusing on a career in performance...either writing, music, acting, or art, and now, i just can't see myself doing anything else but music. i love writing songs, performing, playing the guitar and singing...i can't see myself doing anything else and being happy.

this year, while still in university, i made sure to pray about staying in uni for another yr or graduating early to start work on my music career. with God's help and guidance...i knew staying in school for another year just wasn't going to get me anywhere, so i decided to graduate early and get out while i could to focus on music. this brought me to sudbury. i came here because my sister was getting married and she needed some help with everything...so i decided to give up everything and move back here....now, i wasn't able to save up enough money to move anywhere else...so they asked me to stay here with them...and now it's extended for another yr, but i don't know what to do?

should i stay here for another year and sacrifice starting my career? should i move to toronto anyway without a lot of money?? i don't know...i just want to work on my music. record, play shows, write songs...i'm soo confused! i just don't know where i stand. i mean, if this is all a part of God's plan for me...then so be it...but i know music is in my life, and i just want to know that i'm doing the right thing.

i really don't know what to do? i mean...i know that i've sent numerous demos to this music production company in kingston, ON called "romanline productions," and i'm just waiting to hear back from them. i've prayed and prayed and prayed about this....and somehow i just feel like it's going to happen for me....so, if the plan is staying here and then getting that opportunity...then so be it. i just don't know anything right now...and i do like having some plans or notices of where my life is going and where God is taking me.

Lord, please help me with this.

today today.

2006-07-31T16:09:00.000-07:00

lately...i've been so consumed with reading this novel, "house of sand and fog".

i picked it up around 2 -3 yrs ago and started reading it, but didn't exactly get to finish...although i was racing through it like i'd never read through anything else before. i'm usually the mystery/murder type reader a la james patterson, but this book caught my eye because of the cover. i read the liner notes and the back....and i was hooked. there was no disappointment, at all. this book just held such a high maturity level, and i never read anything to that effect before...but i knew that this novel was going to be a great one because it touched upon several issues related to race, prejudism, sexism, divorce, separation, longing...and everything else you could imagine in someone's life.

now, 3 yrs later i've picked it up and i'm just so driven to get'r done. i'm hald way through it and still going strong....i love this novel. it's a must read.

on the flipside...work is going well. i've been here for about 2 months now, and i really go enjoy it. the people and the work is good. i love making new drinks and experimenting with new things...did i mention they have monday acoustic nights...i need to get in on that, for sure! i love performing, and i can't wait to FINALLY finish writing songs and recording the album....my first official album...MINE. i can't wait...thank you God for giving this passion and talent to me. you have absolutely no idea how much i love music and writing songs to influence people. along the lines of music and life outside of work, my sister (whom i'm living with for the summer) has extended the invitation for me to live with them til spring comes around. i mean, it would be nice to save up some money....but i just don't know about staying in suds...there's nothing here for me to do or to get my music across a group of people. i'm so frustrated and confused. Lord, please help me....get through this tough time.

tonight is in fact...monday acoustic night....a band called "tuba boy" is playing....hmmm something new. saweeet.

lansing.

2006-07-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

this morning i finally got up the courage to try out a new church. i've been thinking about heading there every now and then, but i just didn't feel like i'd fit it there...but this sunday i just went and everything was okay. i saw some familiar faces and talked with some new people, and overall it wasn't as scary as i thought. i didn't even feel out of place either. the funny thing was...i was expecting a lot of people to be there, and i didn't want to head over there by myself for fear of just not knowing anyone....but there were at most 20 ppl there. everyone from the congregation had gone camping. boy did i ever feel relieved to get there and find that out. it made everything just seem more smooth and not forced. the mass was good...although i didn't know any worship songs whatsoever...so i was singing very quietly. if you know me....i love singing, it's what i want to do for the rest of my life...as a career, so i would've been singing crazy loud and harmonizing/melodizing had i known the songs we sang. i really do like that church...hopefully next week, i'll know ppl and be able to meet new ppl and everything...just so i don't feel out of place once i go there the next few times.

this week, i've just been missing camp a lot. for anyone who doesn't know "camp," it's galilean bible camp...and it's located in blind river. i've been there a long time...volunteering and giving time and support to other fellow christians who need me. i've also just been doing it for myself and for God, to learn about him. i usually just go for a couple of weeks or so, just to clear my mind and let everything out....this summer isn't the case. i think i might just head there for a week...this coming week is break week and then the following weeks are jr. teens and youth camps. those are really important camps....just helping people to grow and learn about God while still remaining "cool" or "hip," or whatever those "in" words are at the moment. i think i might just ask for some time off and head there for a couple of weeks...i'll just make sure to call first and see if i'm in need of my svcs.

now, after church...i'm just going to relax and read a bit, hang out with the fams and just enjoy life outside of work.

cheers.

at work...on break.

2006-07-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

i don't know why...but msn chats always make me full good. no matter how far i am away from that person or what i'm doing, i always manage to get into some sort of convo....but the majority of those aren't always the best ones. today, for instance, i had one of the best convos in a while...with a person i don't regularly talk to. i mean...she's a wonderful person, and now i look at her as a mentor because she's just basically helped me to get on track with life...and not worry about when i have no answers, life has no answers, or when God has no answers for me.

we had a great chat today about marriage and pursuing our rightful careers, and she said she'd moved back home due to an engagement with her fiancee (i bet he's a great guy), and was about to settle down in thessalon where her fiancee currently resides, after her marriage is complete. i'm sooo happy for her. she's amazing.

...anywho, we chatted it up about things that she's been through and done, and about things i'm doing through at this point...that she'd already experienced and been through. so, it's good to know someone went through and can relate to where i'm at in my life right now. variables that i'm not even thinking about could be thought about too. i mean, i DO want to get married no doubt...but just the thought of getting married at this point is beyong insanity. i feel wayyy too young to get married...and i know what it happens, it'll happen...but for now, it's not for me. i'd rather work on my career and everything else before getting started with someone and thoughts of marriage.

anyways, thanks sperin for making my day. you're a great friend/mentor...and it meant a lot for you to take time out of your busy schedule to talk of sentimentality and life with me. thanks.

this is the life....as of now.

2006-07-28T21:02:00.000-07:00

working at a starbucks cafe location is a great job. well, the one where i'm at is a good place. the managers are extremely genuine, the co-workers are great, and the service/products are grande as well....but i'm not really sure i want to be there for a lengthy amount of time. i just can't see myself there for long, and i don't know whether or not it's really the place for me afterall. the questions are: is working at a starbucks well suited for a career (longtime) or just another one of those jobs?...i mean, it's not "just another job" but it's one where no one really can see themselves working there for a lenghty period of time due to no benefits and nothing really career related enough to pursue...you know what i mean?? -- i guess since we're not a corporate location (we're part of chapters), that's what separates us...but i can't see myself being there for long. i honestly do enjoy working there....but it's nothing i can see myself keeping up with to provide for a family. not my area of interest, really.

as for now, as stated above...i am working at a chapters/starbucks location and it's a good job for the summer or for a short period of time...nothing i want to seriously pursue to the fullest extent. i feel it's necessary for ppl to go through working at these types of places before finally falling into what they desire (nothing sinful)..or what they're passionate about pursuing. i've always been passionate about pursuing a career in music, as a singer-songwriter. i'm not one for enormous amounts of money...i'm not one for glamour and glitz...i'm not one for publicity. i just love the feeling of accomplishment i get when i write lyrics to a song and then put everything together. i just feel so influential, it's honestly...the most amazing feeling. i just want to keep on pursuing this passion, writing songs...putting together/making albums and touring all over the world. God's given me great talent, determination, drive, ambition, and passion....to pursue this...and i want to go for it head on, with full force. right now, i'm just praying for everything to fall into place. i know it's hard to be patient...and i know it will come, eventually...BUT it's hard to wait.

thurs, the let-down.

2006-07-27T20:25:00.000-07:00

i seem to be having problems with days. day in and day out...the days get better or become worse, and i don't know how i'm handling it exactly...but i'm coping.

yesterday, i thought was a good day. i saw 2 friends from GBC, and that just brought back crazy good memories of when i was there...giving my whole summer for God and learning so much from his ways. both wes and averil were very good friends those summers spent there, and seeing them made me want to relive everything again.

i'm kind of at a point in my life...where i know where i want to go, what i want to do, and how i want to spend the rest of my life....but, i dont' know how to get there. i'm hoping God is listening to my prayers and helping me to work towards them...i know he is, and i know i have to be patient and wait, but sometimes it's just wayyyy too hard to wait and be patient, while my life is remoting similar to the story of the "tortoise and the hare," me definitely being the hare. i've always been the one who's known what i've wanted to do right from the get-go. i jumped on the bandwagon fast...but now, everything's just so slow that i'm afraid i might just lose out on something if i don't make some sort of decision right now. i know in the longrun i'll be okay, but sometimes i just feel like giving up and calling life quits....moving back home and doing nothing with my life. why does life have to be so hard on me?(rehtorical)....i don't know.

working tonight was good, except i don't like rude or pushy comments from customers...i certainly don't appreciate sexual ones either, especially if they're from men. seriously! get a friggin' life and stop trying to pursue me. i've told you NO, that i'm straight...not interested, and only looking for friendships with people. why doesn't anyone get that?? what's so hard to understand?? it's only decent to not push anything further. what i say...goes, and that's that. i'm sorry, this may sound round...but don't be like that with me. i'm certainly not like that at all, i appreciate people for who they are and i take pride in being a genuinely nice person...but screw it up and it's over. you're chance is done.

on a better note, i can't wait to head to church this sunday. i need it badly! really badly....i just need to surround myself with good people who love God as much as i do. i miss that.

tuesday, the downer.

2006-07-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

alright, so today has been nothing but sheer lazyness. my sister has been married for exactly 3 days at this point, and she's been gone those 3 days on her so-called honeymoon to the island. i'm pretty sure both her and him are going to be taking another separate honeymoon apart from this one....a fancy schmancy trip to hawaii, which would just be insanely awesome...but anywho, i've done not a whole lot these past 3 days. just hung out with the maid of honour, who's more or less like my sister...watched movies, ate pizza, cleaned the house (my sister's, whom i happen to be taking up res in for the summer), and then did nothing.

the whole time leading up to this weekend was just hectic -- multiple people strolling down the highway and making their way here, relatives coming from far and wide...and just people from around stopping in to either congratulate or pick stuff up for the wedding. oh yea....by the way, my sister ended up getting married this past weekend on a saturday, and it was the time of my life. i had such a great time. i was one of the groomsmen and i felt like a genuine gem of a man that day. the wedding was a small one, with the reception being the same....but overall, everyone just had so much fun.

it's always good to be by the people you love and just be able to cherish those memories for forever....geezaloo, we'll be able to do that for sure...since we have about 14 thou pics altogether. man alive....just crazy insane pic time.

i miss everyone terribly now.